Why Do We Get Loaded?

The question was raised this week as to why does someone get loaded. We looked at several paragraphs in the 12 & 12 that suggest that there are an infinite number of reasons why we get loaded. We get loaded to enhance a good situation and we get loaded to try and improve or make less sever a bad situation. I remember getting loaded simply because it was snowing out and I thought that being immune to the cold because I couldn’t feel anything would be a cozy feeling. Getting loaded is just one thing we do when we are not ok with ourselves in the current moment. I get excited and exert myself too heavily on those around me or I get so down that I suck the energy from everyone around me. These are the extremes of course. Ultimately the reason KC offered clear and simple is that whenever I have gotten loaded it is because I think I can. The Doctor’s opinion in the Big Book offers that men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced.

What I have found at this point is that why I got loaded doesn’t even matter as much anymore. What’s more important to me is why do I want to stay sober? This life, this new character I’ve learned and continue to learn about is an incredible journey. I experience the most amazing people in the most amazing way. I have no interest in drugs and alcohol today and I have no interest in getting into “drama”. It’s a waste of my time and I would much rather spend time talking with you about you than talk with you about someone else. If I talk to you I want to know about your interests and about the things you’ve learned in your journey with regards to living this life. When you start talking about what someone else did or said the first thing that comes to my mind is that you should be having this conversation with that person, not me. Then, especially if that person is someone I know and like, it makes me feel very awkward and uncomfortable. I’ve learned that when I am feeling this way it is a good indication that this is NOT God’s will. God’s will feels good, not God’s will feels bad – uncomfortable.

The question was raised about taking contrary action. The idea is that we take “contrary action” because we are so used to doing the “wrong” thing that we need to do the opposite. So if I am accustomed to lying then I need to take contrary action and tell the truth. Many examples can be given about this. The point that was raised first is in step 12 on page 125 where it says “right action is the key to right living”. The point is that telling the truth shouldn’t be “contrary” action; it should be what I want to do based on the building of a new character. So the idea is not to take contrary action but to make efforts in the building of a new character that change the very core of who I am. So I should not be inclined to want to lie, but instead I should WANT to tell the truth. Then it is not “contrary action” at all. It is the action consistent with the way I want to live my new life – in alignment with God’s will for me.